Love doesn't hurt

I've been saying I have to blog for the longest but things have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to log on and share what's been going on. I'll get better. I promise. The Miss Black USA pageant is 3.5 months away and I'm learning so much and meeting so many amazing people. I want to share it with you. I'm getting anxious but I know if I do my best I'll walk away a winner. So time to get it started:)

In the meantime, I wrote the following on February 20th about the whole Rihanna & Chris Brown situation and I wanted to share it...

Standing in line at the grocery store, I stopped when I saw a picture of Rihanna on the cover of some E news magazine. This experience was followed by having seen an alleged leaked picture on TMZ earlier that morning and sitting in the nail shop and hearing that this must've been her fault for the million time, I knew I had to sit down and put my thoughts to paper. I had the opportunity to voice my opinion at an event at Union Temple Baptist Church in SE Washington, DC but I didn't get into it like I wanted - I left with some things fresh in my mind. So here goes my two cents - listen up.

In the magazinge, Rihanna allegedly expresses how much she misses him and she wants him back. My heart took me back to when I was in a relationship that was very abusive. Although it was extemely volatile and toxic, I still wanted to be with him. I kept saying, "I love him, love stays and works things out." We would fight every week like clockwork and I say we because I threw my share of blows but in NO WAY was this love - not from me and not from him.

Listen up boo boo - LOVE DOESN'T HURT! And violence from a man or a woman is wrong. I wasn't right for resorting to violence and neither was he. The truth of the matter is I was starving for love. I wanted him to love me so much that I was willing to do whatever to keep him. That was not healthy. A healthy relationship does not need the other person in order to feel validated. True love starts within. The question becomes do you love myself more than you love this other person. If the answer is not yes, then you've got work to do. At the panel discussion earlier this week, one of the panelist said that domestic violence was where two people are in an intimate relationship where the one person tries to control the other person to do what they want to be done. Domestic violence is not just physical. It can be emotional, verbal, mental and financial.

I just hope whoever is reading this understands that true love is patient and kind, not boastful, not easily angered, endures forever. Don't love someone (male or female) so much that you lose you. If he/she is beating you down -physically, mentally, emotionally or financially and making you feel like you're nothing don't believe him/her cuz you don't need him/her. You're amazing and will be okay without that person. Trust. Love yourself 1st. And remember, love doesn't hurt. love lifts you up.

To my ladies and gents under 18, you don't need to date right now anyway. Period. You have your whole life ahead of you. Trust me. Wait a little bit.

To my singles 18 and up, be easy, date for information and not for marriage. Learn who the person is before you decide he/she is your soul mate after 2 months:) Watch and observe. Similar to if your were choosing a candidate for a job. Ask hella questions, get references, do your homework. For real!


I'm not trying to preach but seek healthy relationships with yourself first. If you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to...